Au pair’s mom bakes goodies for wounded U.S. troops abroad

Cultural Care host mom Sam (far right) with her au pair’s father, brother and mother (from left to right) in Landstul, Germany.

Maj. Sam Westbrook has been a flight nurse in the Air Force for over 12 years. Bringing home wounded American soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan is a mission she finds incredibly rewarding, right up there with being a mom to her three little girls, Maya, 5 years old and Mackenzie and Morgan, 3-year-old twins. Because Sam is regularly deployed for days or months at a time, hosting a Cultural Care au pair was a great childcare choice for her family. In Sam’s words, “Knowing there is another adult at home who loves my children and is able to help my husband Michael while I’m gone, gives me peace of mind and allows me to do my job.”

Besides peace of mind, Sam also appreciates the cultural exchange that comes with hosting an au pair—as do over 70 of her colleagues that she was traveling with this spring.  

When she found out in March that she would be flying to Ramstein Air Base in Germany to move wounded soldiers from the Middle East back to the United States Sam had an idea. “Our current au pair, Aneta, is from the Czech Republic. So I thought I might try to meet up with her parents while in Germany.” That thought turned into a well-orchestrated plan and before long, Sam was meeting Aneta’s parents and brother at a restaurant in Landstul on a rare evening off during her aero-medical mission.

“Aneta’s parents drove 6 hours to meet me that night—and then drove another 6 hours to go back home. That alone was such a hospitable gesture. But they also brought with them dozens and dozens of freshly baked danishes and other goodies for me, my flight crew, and my 50 plus wounded soldiers. We were all so taken back by their generosity.”

Aneta’s mother and grandmother spent hours making these delicious treats which were greatly appreciated by the 70 plus people on board the aero-medical evacuation flight.  For the troops who had been eating MREs (Meals, Ready-to-Eat) for months on end, they were particularly welcomed.

“A lot of planning was involved to coordinate this meeting and I secretly wondered if it would be worth all the effort. Now I’m so glad we made it happen. It was a very surreal moment when I was feeding a wounded U.S. soldier baked goods make by my au pair’s Czech family, who had just met me for the first time in Germany.”

That wonderful experience has set the stage for an upcoming visit from Aneta’s family this month, and Sam and her family are very much looking forward to welcoming Aneta’s mother, father and brother into their home and returning the hospitality.

What an incredible example of breaking down barriers through cultural exchange! Thanks to Sam for contacting us recently about this story. We wish her luck her lots of luck in her future missions to bring our troops home safely.

Fun With Food

Food and cooking can be the greatest connectors between people and cultures.  Preparing and sharing a meal is a wonderful way to make someone feel welcome, express appreciation, and to share joy. Encourage the au pairs in your group to engage with their host children in preparing something special for their family. It’s a great way to spend time together doing something hands on and a wonderful gift to give to Mom and Dad after a long day at work. Looking for fun and simple recipes to make with kids? Check out helpful resources such as the websites listed below and Bon Appetit!

http://www.easy-kids-recipes.com/

http://www.childrensrecipes.com/

Mom-blogger “on the run” with the help of her au pairs

Sam’s son Emmett and daughter Caroline goofing around on their sailboat with au pair Romina.

Sam is a working mom of two kids who describes herself as being “on the run all the time” (hence her blog, Sam on the Run). These days, she is most certainly on the run— literally. Sam is fitting even more into her schedule these days in the form of weekly training runs, as she is hopeful to finish her first marathon before she turns 40.

How does she get it all done? Sam relies on the help of her Cultural Care au pairs. Her family has hosted eleven of them in total, including their current au pair Romina from Germany. Each one of them has provided excellent childcare…and more. Visit her blog to learn how her au pairs help her get closer to “Super Mom” status, expose her family to different cultures (most recently in the form of Swedish potato salad) and share in her family’s culture as well. 

Good luck Sam on the Run. We wish you luck on your training for the Diva ½ Marathon in NY October 3^rd. 

A Colorado family saves $7,000 a year using au pair childcare!

Nele Grasshoff, Cultural Care au pair of Hamburg, Germany with her host children.

The Summit Daily News of Colorado reported this week on the Ramsay Family who switched from day care to au pair childcare when their second daughter was born. Tammy Ramsay knew she had to re-evaluate her child care options due to the high cost of putting two kids into day care.

Says Tammy, “It’s been a journey for our family. We wanted to try it for a year. Now we wonder how we did it without it.” She calculates that her family has saved about $7,000 since welcoming their first au pair, Nele, into their home last fall.

The Ramsays also appreciate the one-on-one care Nele provides and the cultural exchange that comes as an added benefit to the program. “For me, it’s so great as a mom having the one person,” Tammy says. Since Nele shares her German language with the kids, they will potentially grow up tri-lingual as “the kids will also be learning Spanish at Dillon Valley Elementary.”

To read the full article, visit the Summit Daily News online.

Receiving Blunt Feedback

Receiving blunt or direct feedback is always a challenge. There are cultural and personality differences which impacts how information is communicated and received. Listening to blunt feedback can also feel very personal and therefore easily dismissed with anger and feelings of rejection. Despite these challenges there are ways to work with someone who has given you blunt, direct feedback and to apply it to your advantage.

Being able to understand and apply what we perceive as criticism requires a transformation of our perception of the situation. In response to what we perceive as a “threatening” situation, our mind’s natural defense mechanism will defend our position through adding adrenaline, this being the fight (such as yelling) or flight (such as giving up or isolating) neurological reaction; however by using logic and reasoning, we can turn a negative situation into one with options. 

• Take a Deep Cleansing Breath: This basic technique engages the part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, problem solving, and creativity. What this means is that you will be more likely to be constructive with your communication vs. reactive.
• Mirror Back: If, when a person is giving you blunt feedback, there are one or two particularly hurtful words that the person uses, such as messy, unorganized or unreliable, you can mirror back their statement. This aids the person in recognizing that their communication was nonproductive. An example of this might be: “So what you are telling me is that you feel I am irresponsible because I did not clean up the playroom and finish the laundry?” By using their words, you are helping to point out that the feedback has been personal vs. one that addresses the situation.
• Ask Questions: When a conversation feels unsupportive, asking questions is a way to change the course of the discussion to one that is productive and helpful.  Ex: “Could you tell me more about what your concerns are?” or “Could we sit down later and discuss this more so I can be sure I understand what your concerns and priorities are?”
• Don’t Let it Stew: When we feel offended, a natural response is to retreat, i.e. withdraw both physically and emotionally from the situation. Keeping difficult feelings inside leads to misunderstandings about the situation and the relationship in question. If you feel unable to communicate in the moment, ask to have a meeting later after you have had a chance to think through the person’s feedback. It is also helpful to write down some of your thoughts and questions.  This will promote a closer relationship with the person, increasing trust and mutual respect.
• Separate the Behavior from the Individual: Remember that blunt feedback is most often about a behavior or action that isn’t working for that individual or family. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person and it does not define you. 

When you receive blunt feedback that feels like a personal attack, it is important to take the time to clarify with the person what their meaning is and what their ideas are for moving forward. Begin with a deep, slow breath (or several) and then try one of the strategies in an effort to promote mutual understanding and effective communication.

Elisa Elkin Cleary
LICSW
Cultural Care Au Pair Program Counselor

Thinking of You!

As the summer months continue, so does participation in sleep away camps for many host children across the country. In many families, one or more of the children may be gone for a period of time during the summer. One great way for the au pair to make sure they stay connected during this time away is to add something from them to the family care package or to send a postcard from the child’s home town. It’s great for the child to know that they are being thought of by their au pair and it can also help when they return home as they readjust. It’s a small gesture and a nice way to stay connected.

5 weeks in Europe to visit 8 former au pairs and their families

Daniel, Hannah and their former Cultural Care au pair Sara on a boat crossing the Rhine River.

The Rogers Family of PA has hosted a total of 8 au pairs from 2001 to 2009…and right now, they are in the middle of a European adventure to visit each and every one of of them in their home towns! Mom Pam, her three children Hannah (12), Daniel (9) and Adam (8), Pam’s mother, Peg and mother-in-law Terry are traveling until August 26th to Switzerland, Italy, Germany, Sweden and France. They have already reunited with their fourth au pair, Sara, in Basel, Switzerland, after which Peg shared her thoughts on the family’s blog:

“It was great to visit Sara and her parents. I have to admit I teared up a bit when I saw Sara for the first time in so many years. It suddenly became apparent what an important role these au pairs have played in my grandchildrens’ lives. I remember how difficult it was to say goodbye to each girl as she left at the end of the year. We considered all of the au pairs members of our families and enjoyed watching each one grow with their experience in a new country with a different language and different customs from their own.”

To read more about this Rogers” adventures on the road, visit their blog which they take turns updating as they go!